The UCITA Car

NOTE: This article is obviously tongue in cheek. But while you read it, ask yourself whether it's more far-fetched than UCITA software. Be sure to read the fine print :-)      <Surviving UCITA>
Presenting America's new car company, UCITA Motor Corporation. America's choice.

Here at UCITA innovation is king. And for the comfort and protection of our customers, we've redefined the concept of customer service. Stop in at your nearest UCITA dealer, find a car you like, and order it. A similar car will arrive in your driveway a week later.

Your car may not have all the features demonstrated at the dealership. Your financing terms may include a higher interest rate than promised at the dealership. Your dealer is under no obligation to reveal these facts until after you sign the contract.
UCITA Motor Corporation takes pride in our coast to coast service centers. Our technicians use the latest tools to diagnose and fix your UCITA, in the unlikely case you experience a problem.
At our option, we may invalidate any part of your warranty at any time, for any reason. We are not responsible for any damage caused by defects in our automobiles. We are not obligated to point out known defects, even those which may result in damage.
Your neighbors will immediately recognize the uniqueness of your UCITA, which is built entirely from parts built exclusively by UCITA.
It is illegal to "reverse engineer" our unique parts, so parts stores and other dealerships cannot repair your UCITA, even if it's an invalidated warranty, unless they purchase their parts directly from us. UCITA parts may be significantly more expensive than equivalent parts from other manufacturers, and may be of significantly lower quality. We may attach a significant parts surcharge to shops run by our competitors.
Your UCITA is a sound investment, designed to give you years of carefree driving. UCITA has a very high resale value.
You must obtain our written permission before attempting to sell your UCITA. We are not under any obligation to provide such permission.
Imagine the fun as you tell your co-workers how much fun you have in your UCITA. Imagine your Mother's face when you tell her you finally have a UCITA.
Publishing any negative experiences with your UCITA is considered a breach of contract and will be handled accordingly. A radio receiver inside the engine block receives daily operation renewal signals from our transmitter. Any perceived violation of your contract will result in cessation of our operation renewal signals, which will kill your engine. We are not responsible for any collisions that result from our killing your engine, even if our termination was caused by error.
Where ever you want to go today, go there in a UCITA.
 
The UCITA Car page was originally a part of the Surviving UCITA website at http://www.troubleshooters.com/ucita/index.htm.

Terms of usage for the UCITA Car web page: Copyright (C) 1999 by Steve Litt. You may freely copy this web page to any place and any medium, electronic or otherwise, as long as this copyright notice is left intact and as long as the page's content is not modified. You may give unmodified copies of this page to others (especially your state legislators). There is absolutely no warranty associated with this page, and the copyright holder takes absolutely no responsibility for the use of this page.