The UCITA Car
Presenting America's new car company, UCITA Motor Corporation. America's
NOTE: This article is obviously tongue in cheek. But while
you read it, ask yourself whether it's more far-fetched than UCITA software.
Be sure to read the fine print :-) <Surviving
Here at UCITA innovation is king. And for the comfort and protection
of our customers, we've redefined the concept of customer service. Stop
in at your nearest UCITA dealer, find a car you like, and order it. A similar
car will arrive in your driveway a week later.
Your car may not have all the features demonstrated at the dealership.
Your financing terms may include a higher interest rate than promised at
the dealership. Your dealer is under no obligation to reveal these facts
until after you sign the contract.
UCITA Motor Corporation takes pride in our coast to coast service centers.
Our technicians use the latest tools to diagnose and fix your UCITA, in
the unlikely case you experience a problem.
At our option, we may invalidate any part of your warranty at any time,
for any reason. We are not responsible for any damage caused by defects
in our automobiles. We are not obligated to point out known defects, even
those which may result in damage.
Your neighbors will immediately recognize the uniqueness of your UCITA,
which is built entirely from parts built exclusively by UCITA.
It is illegal to "reverse engineer" our unique parts, so parts stores and
other dealerships cannot repair your UCITA, even if it's an invalidated
warranty, unless they purchase their parts directly from us. UCITA parts
may be significantly more expensive than equivalent parts from other manufacturers,
and may be of significantly lower quality. We may attach a significant
parts surcharge to shops run by our competitors.
Your UCITA is a sound investment, designed to give you years of carefree
driving. UCITA has a very high resale value.
You must obtain our written permission before attempting to sell your UCITA.
We are not under any obligation to provide such permission.
Imagine the fun as you tell your co-workers how much fun you have in your
UCITA. Imagine your Mother's face when you tell her you finally have a
Publishing any negative experiences with your UCITA is considered a breach
of contract and will be handled accordingly. A radio receiver inside the
engine block receives daily operation renewal signals from our transmitter.
Any perceived violation of your contract will result in cessation of our
operation renewal signals, which will kill your engine. We are not responsible
for any collisions that result from our killing your engine, even if our
termination was caused by error.
Where ever you want to go today, go there in a UCITA.
The UCITA Car page was originally a part of the Surviving UCITA
website at http://www.troubleshooters.com/ucita/index.htm.
Terms of usage for the UCITA Car web page: Copyright (C) 1999 by
Steve Litt. You may freely copy this web page to any place and any medium,
electronic or otherwise, as long as this copyright notice is left intact
and as long as the page's content is not modified. You may give unmodified
copies of this page to others (especially your state legislators). There
is absolutely no warranty associated with this page, and the copyright
holder takes absolutely no responsibility for the use of this page.